I worry sometimes..that probably maybe I dont understand myself. At other times I worry, that I understand myself all too well.
I'm sipping my elixir (diet coke) and I realize, that I want to treat the noise in my head with silence. Now, how good or bad is that? I was under the impression that expressing thoughts is a great way of clearing your head. I thought, if you are uncomfortable about something, tell someone. Whilst, if you are extremely comfortable about something, tell someone. If you think you are doing well at work, tell someone. If you think you are not, tell someone. If you are a victim of petty politics, tell someone. If you are victimizing people with petty politics, tell someone. If you are reading something you like, tell someone. If you like the features of a person you see, tell someone. If you see someone that makes you think of thunder and claps, tell someone. If you feel like laughing and want to hear a joke, tell someone. If you are angry enough to bring the house down, tell someone.
This "telling someone" is probably an overrated concept. Maybe just maybe, bottling your thoughts is a good idea. Who says you have to share everything and that sharing has conveyed the exact same feeling. Food for you, poison to someone else.
Another draught from the effervescent liquid, Im driven into another perspective. What if silence really is the treatment for noise. I can go back to many instances in the past few months, when talking and sharing was a pain. And all I wanted to do was...keep to myself. Forcing yourself to share when you dont want to..TOUGH! I can also go back to many instances when I wanted to share and probably it was hard to find someone who could relate to what I said. In the former case, Noise for me. In the latter, Noise for them. There's rarely ever a win win situation. I ought to then work around the constraints. Become my own best listener.
Learnings will never end. I learnt that many a times, a lot of thoughts belong in the head. I also learnt, that thoughts will be random. Once uttered, you dont write it down ( "Today I reported such and such happening, at so and so time..") I for one, never keep track of my thoughts, there would be a serious paper shortage. Diary is known to be of tremendous use. We all need diaries. For my grandmother, her diary is the entire world. For my dad, its my mom. For my mother, its her laptop. For my best friend, its her own mind. For my other best friends, its other friends. For my grandfather, it was his diary. For my aunt, its her painting canvases. For my mentor, it is his protege. For my maid, it is me. For Batman, his diary was the streets of Gotham (too dramatic, I reckon it was Alfred!) For me, well I'm moody. Its either the trees or its the rocks. Trees as in paper...rocks as in people. Im not consistent. I use one of the two mediums. And that for me is the problem in itself. To draw logical conclusions on my frame of mind from that, is not only difficult but also pointless. Those will always be punctuated thoughts. Trees listen. Rocks judge/understand/speak/advice, which is great. When you afford yourself a perspective from another, that perspective would be other than what you deduced, it is always well...another perspective. Learnings, will never end.
Yet at the end of the day, Im emphasising on the need to unbottle yourself by bottling some thoughts. Thoughts sometimes, become bigger than they really are, by voicing them. Before you know it, they become reference points. Some thoughts are great...utter them. Some thoughts are not worth a second thought. Such as it may be, watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Truth is - We assume sometimes, that it is our head that does the thinking. Not really. This great deed is performed by the erstwhile heart. The heart dictates the conclusion, then gives a directive to the head to provide a reasoning for it. The mutiny is actually started by the heart and the army comes from the mind.
In view of this, I take the following oath-
I vow to bottle my thoughts, for the sake of my sanity and others as well. I vow to take a pill of silence. I vow to accept the treatment in awareness of all my senses. I vow to cooperate at all costs. I vow to achieve a sense of balance as an outcome of this treatment. And I vow to stuff this bottle of pills under my pillow for safe keeping (should anyone try to steal it..!) I vow to not abuse the power of the pills and take it in adequacy and as prescribed by the good doctor.
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