27th....

When it comes to celebrating Birthdays..we invariably look back to the years gone by. The "n" number of birthday cakes we would've cut, from the bunny shaped ones to the guitar shaped ones to the plain round ones with your year showing on it. The "x" number of parties we would've had, and the "y" number of people at these parties, with noisy kids swarming the house and the piled up gifts in the corner to the cool teenagers hanging out in mini groups in one party and "group gifts laying in the corner" to small gathering of close friends with wine and biryani and a couple of gifts in the room. From conversations about homework, to the guy/girl you have a crush on to the increase in annual CTC, taxes, what I want to be, marriages...life stretches on.

I din't want to celebrate my birthday this year. I personally felt, I had nothing to celebrate about. Just another year, several more uncertainties that I had no strength left to deal with. This year particularly brought with it a crushing feeling of void and baseless choices. The 27th felt like crossroads. The real Me was behind a facade, thinking constantly, struggling to derive some conclusions, forcing meaning into what I felt, maintaining a calm through what felt like endless sublime. I simply din't deserve a celebration this year. I wanted a quite day where I din't feel like the 27 means something, because it felt like it did.

Boy..did I get the opposite of that!

As the day drew nearer, all I could see was 27..27...27....27....27..... as it neared 12...the calls and texts began. First my best friends on a concall. One cooking something for me...the other just struggling to stay up. Followed by a lot of my friends and family..texts that screamed Happy Birthday..I was like yeah yeah..I know...its a Birthday..and whats so bloody happy about that. A call from my parents in the neighboring room too...!! No..we are not dysfunctional. But, I figure my parents thought this was the only way to get my attention. Ok...maybe just a little dysfunctional! Once the calls ceased for the night...I turned on the television...skitting through channels...lost in thought. Gawd...I'm 27. My thoughts went back to this favorite episode of mine from Friends - it's Rachel's 30th. And all of them recounting their tales of turning 30 and accepting that number. I laughed out loud. Am I being like that!? It's 3AM...I drift to sleep, the Genius Player has put together some of my favorite tunes, I smile, Apple and it's amazingness!

The next day begins unlike any other. I'm waiting for my best friends to come over. I figured, seeing them would make the day seem ok. And when they burst into the room...I was marginally relieved. Not a big deal....if they feel its a day to celebrate..then a celebration it is! We got around to the gift part...calls still coming in-HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY..where's the party man etc etc....I'm still grumbling. I open my first gift of the day. I strictly told them I dint want any gifts. I remind them about that. Who cares what you want!..comes the prompt reply. Its an Apple Magic Mouse! I dint expect it. The sleek little thing in my hand...is a gift. My mind flits to the board games I used to get, or the posters of mickey mouses...all the little things within easy reach and budget. I was never big on gifts..I just appreciated the thought anyway. But when I looked at the sleek little thing in my hand...the exact thing I was staring at in iStore...and looked at my friends...I was suddenly caught up in a strange emotion. I know how much they would've thought before arriving at what to give me. It is'nt a thing. Not just a thing. But something that came with some deep gtalk discussion. A phone call every now and then. And the running around to purchase it. The ignoring of wishes..sigh. Fair enough. 27...magic mouse..hmmm..not bad at all. I wonder at the four people, I consider my family, affections brimming.

We trudge over to my Granny's place and my Aunt's. I make sure I meet my Granny, on Birthdays especially, so she feels she's still very much a part of my life. She can't walk now. So I take myself there. Family meets Family. I see their excitement...its your Birthday...who all called..what did you get...what do you want me to make for you....come have your favorite lemon tea...here's your favorite sweet....here's my gift to you....buy whatever you want..I stuff the thick wad of cash into my backpocket. I'm still wondering...I've spent so many birthdays already...I've cut so many cakes in this very house...so many different groups have been a part of that...I remember those awkward ones...some parties my aunt has thrown for me...and some my grandma has seen..I see my grandfather's picture...he's up there somewhere...laughing at all my thoughts...he always called me "the deep one". My throat catches again. I watch my friends at ease with my family...cracking jokes about being adopted by Shah Rukh Khan. I smile too. But I'm lost in thought. Perhaps capturing this moment in my head. What makes this day different from others?What makes this group special?What makes this Birthday different from the others? I decide to make it worth it for the people who are excited about it. I'm incredibly happy for their presence and the distances they have traversed. My thoughts at this point...sound damp.

The calls keep coming, this time from people I least expect it from. The same old questions....What did you get?Where's my treat?Who all are there?What are you wearing? I answer them all, not missing..the excitement in their voices. I'm a little puzzled. Upon returning to my place..we are waiting for some more close friends to arrive. We are ready with all kinds Biryanis and Non veg. We play Holi downstairs. I love Holi...and I missed playing this time around. Thats another wish taken care of. We come back to my place..multi colored monsters. Bottle of Wine is my next gift. We gather around the table, wine is opened and biryani smells good. The conversations begin. Topics galore. Smiles galore. I relax a little. 27 is really not that bad I think. The afternoon lazes into evening. I consume the conversations we are having. From recipes to plans for the evening and tomorrow. Different kinds of wine, movies, my gadget mania, my click mania, I make sure I take as many pictures as I can. Somehow it feels like a good moment to be in. Dad has invited us all to the Club for more wine. I'm expecting some more close friends to arrive. When they do, cakes with them. I grumble. My aunt and uncle arrive too. It's a gathering and looks like a party. I'm taking in the scene. I'm relaxing a bit more. I'm still receiving calls and texts. Some more unexpected people remember and call. I feel a bit guilty..I'm terrible with Birthdays...I forget..my wishes normally go out two weeks after. I make a note to remember theirs too. The party shifts to the club. Couple of Sulas later, I'm asked to give a speech, I politely decline. I'm choked for some reason. I'm missing my best friend who is'nt here. She texts to tell me..she's sorry she could'nt order flowers, online transactions are not going through. I tell her..I appreciate her thought, I would've liked a Bonsai more. But I'm just glad she's a part of my life. I'm glad I have this moment. I'm glad I have people around me, I can share this moment for me. I look at all the people around me who have taken time out of their lives to be excited for the significance of the day. Maybe each Birthday, is a birth day. We go into the next day with new lessons learnt, new meanings, appreciating the newness of some old feelings. As the day draws to an end. I can't deny the relief...tomorrow onwards I go back to being just another 27 year old on the face of this planet...with haunting confusions...but I feel a bit brave...I feel suffused with some confidence that even if I allow myself to fall, there will be people forcing me to get up. I'm ok. Next day is even better. A friend hosts lunch, we take champagne. We consume the champagne. We toast. We disperse. With several photos taken. Cheers!

I receive my next gift from a colleague I'm very close to. Self confessed shopaholics. We bonded over mutual love for brands and subs at Subway. I have always hoped to imbibe some of his qualities, in the hopes that some day I would be respected the way he is. In any case, thanks to him, I got my best Birthday cake. I cut a Subway sandwich with a candle on the top and a diet coke on the side. I'm a little taken aback. By the sheer thoughtfulness of it all. One could'nt have asked for more, that the people you spend most of your waking hours with, observe your likes and dislikes as well and spend some kind thoughts on you. On his return from Brussels, I'm handed a note -"There's a parcel, dont make noise, go pick it up form security". I go over. I ask about the parcel. And they point to a huge Bose cover. I say, no no a parcel. Gesturing a small square. They point back to it. An emphatic No escapes my mouth. No way.No way hosey. I rush back up to our floor. You're crazy. Have you lost your mind, my friends on the phone. I'm amazed at his gift. I dint expect it. Im blown away. The sounddock is one of my best and favorite gifts so far. It has'nt stopped playing once since. Each time I look at it, I shake my head. The gesture chokes me. The thought belittles me. I feel like a speck in the universe. But here are some people, ensuring that I dont feel like just another speck. I'm moved by this gesture. 27 feels exciting.

I was introduced to someone through my best friend. She is always a bundle of talk. And unknowingly I may have grown fond of her little chatter and presence. Whenever we meet, she always hands me a gift. As she did this time too. Cutest tee and earrings. I have not gotten her anything this time. Who's birthday is it?, she asks. She walked up to me with a elf like grin with the bag behind her, the grin told me...it was a gift. Sigh.

This year's birthday was about big gifts. I look back and I know, I made some really good friends. That's the reason to celebrate about. When I was younger, I used to be excited about my birthday, I'd tell people, "my birthday is 5 days away", so they can go out and get some really good gifts. It was all the wrapped things that used to get us excited. Being here, now, I'm less excited about the gifts I got, I'm more excited about the people. That's what matters I guess. Finding people, who can feel for you, when you feel less about yourself. Knowingly and unknowingly, I've made some lasting bonds, with some people. I'm glad they all came and they all called. They made me feel like I did something worthwhile. It has nothing to do with me, but more to do with their "big"ness. Life has its own surprises. I still have a lot of things to resolve. But then it's fine. I have some good memories to keep me smiling. Turning 27, has'nt been bad at all. I know my gifts.

The "ReMiNdEr" Trip

There are trips..that are considered philosophical, life changing, empowering, self-redeeming, religious, sporty, family times, save the marriage kinds...lots of kinds. Few trips are the reminder kinds. These kinds remind you of why you are friends with somebody and they with you, the good ol' feeling of wasting life away with your best friends. The kinds that remind you of why marriages are made in heaven, the goodness of people, the "new and old" about something, customs long forgotten, old fishing methods newly seen by a certain someone, who is so used to city life, so much so that "she" looks for toilet paper wherever she goes. I'm not "she". Hehe.

I just got back from my "reminder" trip.

ThE cUsToMs: There have been days, when I have looked upon many customs with disdain and irritation. Some of them have a way of making you feel rather burdened about things. But lets blame it on the human connotations shall we, 'cause humans have spent more time on the preparations

for the nonsensical activity and may have spent little time dwelling over what it symbolizes. This one custom "totoo" in Bengali weddings are series of needs and necessities packed in the most innovative of ways are given to both the Bride and the Groom. I figured a lot of effort must have gone into the wrapping. And in that effort I could see the bold presence of thoughtfulness in the wrapping style. A relative of the Bride told us that this "totoo" is a way of showing off to the relatives. I looked at the gifts but I couldnt see that intention reflecting anywhere. Made me wonder, are marriages and associated customs all about blatant self promotion! A family friend of the Bride then told us the purpose of this custom. When the Bride walks into the Groom's home, she shouldnt need anything more, walk in with that feeling of security that her needs will always be taken care of and that her new home thinks of her needs as much as the home that she comes from. I liked this explanation! A lot! It reminds me that customs were designed to symbolize a greater understanding of the journey through life. Designed on experiences that leave you enlightened and fulfilled. Our effort in the days to come, is not to retain the customs, but understand the symbolic importance of each of them and hold on to that.

tHe FuN & fRoLiC: There's always some fun and frolic :P at weddings. You meet new people, make friends, make temporary enemies. That aunty who just wont quit staring at you, you're worried she's imagining you with her son... a son you almost immediately hate. The food, that's so delicious, you dont care if the calorie count for that day is already tipping towards critical. You miss your jeans more than ever, tracks feel like godsend, everybody is tired including the bride and incase of the Indian weddings, everybody feels like theyre getting married! Oh...fun is just abundant. I caught my friend in that moment. I'm sure she was probably trying to say how sleepy she is and that she can't sit anymore. But the fun in the photo just cannot be missed. The circumstantial evidence points to her trying to kiss someone's nose. I'm glad she's not an avid reader and she finds my blogs long and boring, she will never read this one :D. I'm safe. New places also means, new cuisines to try. You dont mind digging into roadside food, which suddenly doesnt remind you of the swarming germs colony, like it does back home. You are carefree. You just want to try something new. You like it, even before you've tried it. And then when you do eat it, no guesses there. Its a reminder. A reminder of how important it is to be a roman in rome. To live like the people of that land can be quite liberating.

ThE fOoD: So a couple of phuchkas later, my taste buds found themselves indisposed for sometime, laying in a ditch somewhere, high on taste, snoring in blissful sleep with not a care in the world. I also managed to do in some aunty made chicken, uncle made prawns, aunty made omelettes by the river side, reena made tea (never again), lopa made grudging tea (in exchange for applying hair oil + some massages), couple of sandeshs later (Bengali pronunciation-shaundesh), I did gather some inches. I avoid non-veg, for many reasons, but damn those fishes just glide down your food pipe don't they. I suddenly forgot why I gave up non-veg. But the best of it all was the Brinjal and Daal. Oooboyyyyy. I'm there. I'm eating. I'm enjoying. I'm at peace. Sigh. Food and Indians. We don't wonder. We just eat. And worry later. Reminds me of a crucial lesson in life....Enjoy! Helps one smile more.

Marriages are MaDe in HeAvEn: Every now and then, when cynicism takes over, hope is a variable in the equation. At such times, open the mind and the heart to the happenings of the world. Well, all I did was observe. Observed the gushing bride and groom, the excitement.. obvious and the eagerness to tackle the path ahead. What was going through their minds, I dont know, but I'm pretty sure it was all positive. The bride has always told me to "Have faith and Be Positive". For whatever it is worth, its a reminder that faith and positivity can move mountains (in a very metaphorical way ofcourse). Faith has this effect on all non movable objects. Faith is an outcome of courage. And courage is a decision. Faith+Positivity....an infinite combination, with intangible results. People who have managed to do this, have assumed a responsibility of sorts. They must pass this on to the eternally plagued. Yours truly is often found haunting this corner of the world. Lets hope I run into more such people. The sunshine people. They constantly remind you of the sunshine moments. If not...motivate you in the right direction.

The trip also reminded me why I'm best friends with the people I am best friends with. The warmth of their families tells you, here are friendships that will last. I am not grateful for their presence but merely thankful for their affection, in which I revel and feel secure. With our new friends, we shared a lot of our old sense of humor, we heard new reactions to it, blissfully refreshing. The boat ride across the ganges, the debris, floating hyacinth-very important for all biological purposes-natural filters, someone stealing my puma floaters from a religious place (sigh), the river side talk with aunty (heart to heart-find someone, get married, whats wrong with you people!! ), stohls shopping, posing with the shades, advices on how to put on weight (u-huh)....thank God for new experiences and thank God theres a little bit of Columbus in all of us!

Don in Donland.....

It's dark outside. There's pitter patter of rain. The TV is muted, playing some rusty old movie. The beads of cooling water run down the can of diet coke, making a visible circle on the side table. There's a half finished bag of popcorn.

PINGG. PINGG. PINGGG.

I slowly turn my attention back to the laptop. And focus on the chat window.

DONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN !!! The window screams. The dufus calls me Don for some baffling reason. I ping back. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! Our usual greeting. When we are busy hating each other during fights, it's mostly "Hi Don", and I angrily type back "Hi Dood". So my buddy suggests one day, "Don why don't you blog about something other than your personal feelings..?". I say to him "Ok". So I put my imagination to work immediately, and come up with some pretty strong ideas. Climate Change. My Favorite Book. New Hottie on the Block who visits my dreams everyday-Rob Pattinson. Black Swan Effect. How to Save. Knowing the Shopaholic in you. SIGH.


I slide open my once upon a time cool phone and furiously type, "I watched the most weirdest movie".

BLIP.

"HAHAHA. Watcha doing now Don".

I type away. "Watching Alice In Wonderland. Trying to get over the movie I just saw."

BLIP.

"AWESOME. Like Ramya in Wonderland."

Slide it open once again. "No like Don in Donland".

BLIP.

"HAHAHAHA. YEAH! You should blog about that!"

Somethings off about him. He's laughing at all my jokes. Hmmm. It's common knowledge, Im not too good with the jokes.

But the Dood had a point. BLOG! Imagination goes into overdrive.

The five of us in Donland….the scenario would be much like as follows-

It's dark outside. There's pitter patter of rain. The TV is muted, playing some rusty old movie. The beads of cooling water running down the can of diet coke, making a visible circle on the table. There's a half open bag of popcorn lying on the side, rats inch closer. I pull out my gun and fire a round. The rats scurry back into their holes. I slide lower into my couch, waiting for the phone to ring. "He should've called by now". I take a swig of the diet coke. The phone rings. "DON. Hurry. I found her watching a movie". I think to myself, her movie obsession is going to drive me crazy. She was supposed to watch the Tigress's Granny. "Im coming Dood". His intonation is always serious. Bugger. I put my gun back in my holster. I call out to him, lounged across the sofa. "Lets go. Dood' found her". He looks at me quickly, jumps out of the sofa, puts on the coat swiftly. "What the fuck! Already! Dayamn.". We shuffle out of the crowded corridor. Out into the quiet night. The car zooms in. The valet is suitably tipped. The old mustang always a pride with the gang. "Where is she?". "Out at the suburbs. Watching a movie". "Ya know. Her movie obsession is going to be the death of our gang". I nod. I agree. She can be a pain. The new releases always a weakness with her. My mind shifts to Tigress. She can be lethal. She can kill with her silence. Mostly tight lipped. The cool breeze on my skin refreshes me. Its been a long day. I want it to end. I look at my partner in crime. His driving is swift. I mutter, "The Dood is watching her. He wants to do it himself". "NO!" comes the sharp reply, "Its our job, we were hired for that. Tigress will be really angry. It's our job". We park on the side of the street. Rush into the theater. We spot Dood. He walks towards us, throwing a dirty look at a kid eating his chocolate. Dood hates chocolates. Anything brown pushes him into blind fury. "What is she doing?". "Its the third show straight she's watching", he tells us in a flat tone. We all stream into the theater. I spot her immediately. She's sitting in her usual seat. Front row. Doe eyed. Still. Barely blinking. Concentration. I've seen her there many times. Caught her there. We all sidle in front of her. Glare at her. She looks guilty. She says to us, "Guys. C'mon. This is the best movie ever made. You should see it. You would know why I did it. It's justified. I'm allowed a mistake." We pick her up. She's pretty light. She eats movies, but she's still pretty light. My partner in crime dials the Tigress. She answers, "Bring her to me". We pool into the car. The wind in my hair. We reach her place. Some men accompany us to her chic flat. She's waiting for us. Her pet tiger resting at her feet. Purring. She looks at us. So do we. Her sardonic laughter cuts through the room. Its the first time I've heard her voice. He shoves her in front Tigress. Dood and I look on. Wondering. Calculating. Ready. Sad at what would happen next. Deal is a deal. She gets up, walks to the nearest window. The tiger follows. "Thanks for bringing her back. She was supposed to watch my Granny. She started walking, when she was 67. Five miles a day. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is. She was supposed to watch my grandmother. She will have to pay. It was her birthday. You will all pay for this." We reached our car much later. After the Punishments. Dood puking with all the chocolate he was forced to eat. My partner in crime is walking much slower now, because of the weights tied around his leg. I was forced to watch movies for three straight hours. Memorize the lines and enact them. While..SHE…the one who caused all this trouble, was forced to sleep, something she hates doing. That night Tigress cried for her Granny, who was now missing. We consoled her. She was once our friend. Until she got the Tiger. They say..such is life and then we die..

The name's Don.

The irony is… Chandru a.k.a Loves Chocholates..!! He is the fastest in the group. Has the funniest intonation..sing song kind.

Aravind a.k.a Partner in Crime walks like an old man. SLOW. And yeah..he does say WTF a lot. LAZY.

Lopa…HATES movies. She has slept through most of them. Loves sleeping.

Reena a.k.a Tigress is petrified of mostly everything. Can never be angry. SWEETHEART. Tiniest thing in our group. And lethal with her talkativeness. 19 to the dozen I tell you.

Me a.k.a Don…I LOVEEEEEE movies. I'm doe eyed in movies. And I look nothing like a Don.

:-)

This Don in Donland signing off.