The Sound of Something...

"Where does the good go?" is playing in the background. A song I have heard a lot over the last few days. As the lyrics roll on (~Where do you go with your broken heart in tow~), I allow my mind to wander. To thoughts like, I need to loose more weight. And I remember the struggle of last year (~What do you do with the left over you~). The flab that became layers of hindrances. The failing health that I had no hopes of taming (~And how do you know, when to let go~). I remember the taunts of the mind and taunting the mind back. It feels like a different timezone now. (~Where does the good go, where does the good go~). Frankly, it is a different timezone.

The song on my ipod changes to "Aahun Aahun" from Love Aaj Kal. This song always puts a beat in my step. I feel a surge of positivity in me each time (~Kaddi te has bol ve Na jind saddi rol ve~). So naturally it loops a lot in my ipod. (~Tu aaja dil janiyaa, Ve Kar Meherbaniyan~).In this positive mood, I think about the various moments in my life when I have felt like Happy Singh. And I think of times that Lopa, Reena and I have spent together. How zealously I guard those moments in my mind. Perhaps those are the moments when I discovered the absolute importance of having great people in your life (~Aa sanu teri rol ve, Na jind saddi rol ve~). Its a terrific feeling having a friend that would shed a tear for me. And its a safe feeling to know that I have a friend who knows every tiny detail of my life down to the guy who serves tea at work, and lends a patient ear to all my life's redundancies (~Aahun Aahun~). It is a feeling that puts a beat in my step.


By the time I'm done musing over the fun the three of us have, Ive noted the change in song. The speakers blare "Full Moon". (~When the thorn bush turns white that's when I'll come home~). I read excerpts from an article I picked out from Facebook- 1o Endangered Animals. The iconic animal's populations that are fast disappearing from the Planet. Tigers, Polar Bears, Pacific Walrus, Magellanic Penguin, Leatherback Turtle, Bluefin Tuna, Moutain Gorilla, Monarch Butterfly, Javan Rhino and Giant Panda. (~I am going out to see what I can sow, And I dont know where I'll go~). I'm trying to picture a world , where the ones that belong are forced to unbelong. Is there no more protection from human greed for the ones that know not our language, for the ones that cant scream "Stop.Enough.No More" (~But I dont know what I'll see, But I'll try not to bring it back home with me~). I'm fighting the wrong fight.

When Eddie Vedder sang "Hard Sun" for Into the Wild, I was a semi Alexander Supertramp already, ready to backpack across anywhere, just to feel free. Free. A wildly misused word. A word, synonymous with kids screaming at their parents, telling them to leave them alone; synonymous with adults silently pleading with their bosses to leave them early for family dinners; synonymous with trapped souls, so on and such and such. (~When I walk beside her, I am a better man~). But at a time when I most wanted to be free..it had a lot to do with freedom to be who I am. Free to think my thoughts, free to know and tell the difference between right and wrong and most of all, free to dream of my ideas. (~When I look to leave her, I always stagger back again~). Wanting to feel free is a fight half won. Victory is only one step away. The hardest step...convincing yourself that you deserve to be Free. (~Once I built an Ivory tower, so I could worship from above~). Am I free today. Not completely. But I am among people, who every single day tirelessly help me feel free. I am almost convinced. Almost. (~When I climbed to be set free, she took me in again~). Nobody said moulting was easy. But nobody said, being yourself is a crime. Now thats motivation (~It's a big Hard Sun, Beating down on People, In the big Hard World~).


The newspaper this morning talks about "elected representatives". Chosen by people like me. Voted into power. So my representatives talk about how separating a state would make people more confident about themselves. Lend them an identity that they can be proud of. My song for this-

The Heart is a Bloom;
Shoots up through the stony ground.
There's no room;
Or no space to rent in this town.

You're out of Luck;
And the reason you had to care.
The traffic is stuck;
And you're not moving anywhere.

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

Fairy tales and expectations are the same really. The Feel Good. The Santa Claus of my day. The Sleeping Beauty of my week. The Prince Charming. The drill. Ok...thrown in a White Horse too. Heck...Why not. The song is my fav. It talks about "Anything But Ordinary". (~Sometimes I get so weird. I even freak myself out. I laugh myself to sleep. Its my lullaby~). As we grow, cynicism sets in. Reality of fairy tales. Reality of what you think was..but isnt. The acceptance is hard. (~Sometimes I drive so fast, just to feel the danger, I wanna scream, it makes me feel alive~). We rely on things to make us feel better, excited. Friends, people, strangers, things. Anything will do. But the truth is..we never let go of the fairy tales entirely. We still hope, that one day, we open our eyes and we have that. (~Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die, Somebody save my life, I'd rather be anything but ordinary please~) Expectations keep us grounded. Its the unexpected that changes our lives. The choice is always between standing still and moving with it. Like it says, Anything But Ordinary, Please.

There's a song. Always. That helps us connect dots. Songs that bring us out of the depths. Songs that take us to a parallel universe. Songs that make us feel angry without breaking anything. Songs that tell us what love is. You hear so many kinds of voices in a song. The voice of someone in pain. Someone who is elated over something. Someone who wants to forgive. Someone who has decided to get on with it. Someone who has tasted victory and encouraging us to do the same. There is a song for every kind of healing. A song for all kinds of feelings. A song for You. Me. We. Us. Them. All.

I'm glad that there are songs. As long as there is song...there is Hope. As long as there is a Sound of Something..

Wonder Management

I have often wondered at many things. I normally turn these things over and over in my head...to find some method to the madness that I'm normally witness to. Frankly, I like thinking. It makes me feel comfortable with the goings on. I'm therefore often subjected to hearing interesting remarks like, You think too much...or...Dont think...or...You analyze things you dont need to...or...you love paralysis by analysis dont you. Actually, they are all right. Sometimes, thinking can be a burden too. There were days, when I needed to be alone to think. I have over time perfected the art of thinking even in the company of people. I have obviously reached a stage, where it tires me. It takes away from me the Present. It takes me into a future, the uncertainity of which leaves me hassled and tensed. A close friend adviced me "To just Let go!" Cause frankly, where I am today is not working for me anymore. Whatever I did with my thought process back then, worked for me then. Doesnt anymore. Which takes me to this wondrous thought...Change is the only constant.

I am a Management student. Biotech in basics. And I should ideally be accustomed to change and tackling of the same. Essence of strategy or finance or marketing or even HR is what works today may or may not work tomorrow. Should'nt that have been a hint enough. Biotech taught me the same thing, viruses constantly reinvent themselves, R&D needs to constantly tackle the dynamic threat from transforming strains. I now work in the Pharma industry, where the crux of the business boils down to how quickly one can adapt the incredibly dynamic world of medicines, which in turn is governed by the effervescent viruses themselves..!! Success but naturally depends on how "quickly" we adapt to that change.

I wonder if Change should be regulated? In which case, life would be so predictable. But how bad would that be? Predictability. I would think less. I would know whats going to happen. I would'nt be afraid of the unknown. And if anything, I might just start looking forward to my days.

I wonder how my life would be if I had the best digestive system! (Sigh, I can only hope.)

I wonder what would happen if I stopped expecting. And never got disappointed.

I wonder what I would be like if I dint have to feel the need to impress people.

I wonder what it would be like if carbon trading became more stabilized and a regulated market.

I wonder how it would be if there was a policy that stopped people from hating each other.

I wonder if my office had a work from home option and bean bags instead of desks and movies always playing in the background!!!! (Gawrsh)

I wonder at people who put others down.

I wonder at people who have fallen in love. For that matter I wonder at people who have fallen out of love. I also wonder at people who have never fallen in love. I find myself wondering if I'm made of concrete.

I wonder at my performance at work. Sometimes I amaze myself. And sometimes, I frustrate myself.

I wonder while I'm driving, if people would ever learn to care about other people on the road.

I wonder about how the hell have I reached the marriageable age so quickly!!

I wonder at my own disconnect from everything and everyone.

I wonder how I've gotten to almost 27 without experiencing so many things. And I wonder about why that makes me sad.

I wonder about all the changes that happen around me on a daily basis and the changes that happen within me on a daily basis.

I wonder at my own lack of propensity to handle fears.

I wonder at my absolute will to fight so many good things that happen to me.

I wonder at myself so many times, as to why I need someone else to allay my fears.

I wonder if my inner voice, my intuition is synonymous with my fear. Or vice versa.

I wonder why it takes so much time to achieve something you really really want.

I wonder about my own strapping desperation, to convince myself that good things can happen to me too.

I wonder about my friends, who dont understand me anymore.

I wonder how I have managed to cage myself in.

I wonder about how I will get out.

I wonder about the growing tan on my skin!! :P

I wonder about how people would react if they discovered my thoughts. Would I seem to vulnerable.

Heck..I wonder about wondering..!!!!

Lord.

In all this...I realize the importance of hiring my own Wonder Manager. So the puzzles in my head can be decoded. And I can get some sleep.

At the outset, I do know one thing...Change is the only constant. And perhaps I will never stop wondering. And I guess that's good for my growth. What enabled my growth sometime back, is not a tool anymore aiding me in the process. I need new tools to manage my wonder at changes and my growth.

From Mini to Max...

A while back one of my oldest best friends sent me a mail...saying "Hey, check me out...mini me! Back when I was in 10th!!"

He was the favorite of the Math(man) tuition teacher, sitting right at the back of the class, sharing bench with a mountain sized guy, which made this mouse sized guy noticeable, screaming out answers as soon as he was done, and what was more interesting, he was almost never right, but got his brownie point for his enthusiasm. I was the first bencher, with a mousey voice, completed the problem much before others, but never shouted out the answer unless provoked by the "Mathman".

When I joined my 11th, I settled into a straddly wooden bench, the last in the class, and looked around at my new classmates, future IITians, googlers, architects, scientists, MBAs, event mangers, sales engineers, etc, I noticed one familiar face, sitting in the first bench looking at me, probably trying to connect the dots too. 10 days later, mouse guy runs up the courage and says, "I will tell out tuition sir that you are back". I said to him, "I will throw you out of the window if you do that". Since that fateful day, we have had 100 pepsi/thums up bottoms up, split a 100 rs in 3 different ways, discussed 1000 crushes, had 10,000 coffees, fought over who should pay the bill a lakh of times, fought a million times, became friends after that a gazillion times and managed to get to some 13 odd years as friends.

Sitting in a cafe, sipping the worst coffee I've ever had, after work stories are swapped, and cribs are exchanged, we arrive at a comfortable silence, observing people and drinking in the scene around us, I realize, so this is what they mean when people say "Friendship cannot get any better, when there is comfort even in silence". Perhaps I am lucky, and maybe he is too. We have seen each other through crests and troughs, and most importantly through changes.

Changes have been profound. To be witness to someones growth curve is a big thing. I have watched our spending power increase, from small time bakers to spending in big time restaurants. I have switched to diet cokes from pepsies and thums ups, for obvious reasons, while his preference has always been the simple food. Our outlook towards life has changed, from calling spade a spade, we call the spade an instrument that can till the soil to enable plantation of plants/trees/flowers. Our friends circle is different, our ambitions have remained the same, our priorities have not changed, our admission to having been through trials and tribulations have become something of a heroic talk, our lives are enriched with the presence of wonderful people who we are mutually proud of, our domination over the past that sometimes bothers us has given us the strength.....whatever it may be.....we lived it through....not necessarily together as friends, nor enemies, but just watched or known or understood. But We Know.

It would be hard for me narrow down one single moment, and say this was my best moment, this was my best conversation, this was the best gift, etc....I think this journey was not about the destination at all, it will always be the journey. The journey that circles around the life you lead every day and the journey that will begin again tomorrow morning when you wake up, with memories of yesterday and memories to be made. Nothing could be better than waking up in the morning and knowing you have a friend who does'nt judge you (no matter how many crushes you have had :p) , who would never say No to a distress call, always finds inopportune times to remind you that you are a sore loser and its really ok to be one, laughs with you...at you.

In these years he dint grow up to be a tall guy, or a muscular guy...infact he is as he was when I first saw this mouse sized guy in Mathman's class....its just his heart grew bigger and bigger and bigger...

And as he starts out on yet another journey....yet another beginning and yet another decisional quicksand....I wonder about my comfortably silent moments during horrible coffees and the gap there will be, I ofcourse know this is certainly not THE END....but an end of..what is....and THE BEGINNING of what will be yet another Journey, yet another Chapter.

The Confessions of a Confused Mind.

I have a new color of nail polish on today. Instead of my usual color, I have used something that will make my feet stand out...literally. And I realized from the clothes I wear to the type of laptop I used to the pens I buy, from the wall hangings in my room to the equipments in the gym I work out on....I am ridiculously comfortable in my comfort zone. So whenever I see something new....I walk towards it observe it....walk away...thinking some other time...lets save. But if I see something old and well used in style many times by me...well I tell myself, life is all about investments isnt it. I do buy it. Ive seen myself do it....8 million times already...and I suspect it will happen another 8 million times, unless I understand the reason behind my own comfort zone and on what grounds is it built...I would probably never be able to feel free.

Ive always looked at people who enjoy their minds freedom with some amount of jealousy. When I started building boundaries around me to keep people out and myself safe, all I ended up doing is fence myself in. I thought it was at the time the best thing to do. Pretend that certain things are not important. That everything has a logic...I just have to put my mind to it. I found my comfort zone, trying to be everybody but me. It was easy to blend in. It was also easy to loose touch with what seemed important and what should ideally be not. I should've learnt to be more of myself by learning the best from others...whilst knowing that what I have is ok too. Comfort Zone makes it difficult to admire yourself. Comfort Zone prevents you from embracing yourself. Is this fear? What part of your past plays a role in this? Because I'm sure it has.


I know a lot of us would've spent a lot of time figuring out where we went wrong. And what did we do to get it right. I know I have. But with each passing year I realize things dont get tough, we just choose to call them tough, and blame the stars. Life is a choice. Everything we do is a choice. While I agree there are many things that are beyond our control, how we react to that is also a choice. I'm on the other side of 25. Fast approaching late 20s. I look back and think, how many times have I chosen to play safe, for many reasons maybe. Maybe the timing wasnt right. Or perhaps I was'nt convinced enough. Now when I look back, half my choices were born out of instinct. And I spent a lot of time, not trusting my instinct. I told myself I'm scared, maybe I was, maybe I was'nt. But even though in my heart I would know, it was the best decision made, because I would'nt feel an iota of regret. But what governed the rest of the course of my life, was the choice I made in my reactions to it. The choice to react. What a powerful statement. The best decisions are made in desperation, did we know that. Forget results. But the best decisions have been in desperation. But our willingness to guide the outcome as desired, is really an outcome of desperation. Because in desperation, we are clear. In desperation, we know what we want. In desperation, we know what we must do in order to achieve it. In desperation.....we can see the roadmap clearly. In desperation...you have no choice, but to hang on to hope and never give up. In desperation, we are more open to risks. So, why was desperation always a bad thing? Maybe it's how we react in desperation, that makes it a bad thing.


Risks. The word going down. In my line of work, Risk Management is a great part of our work. Foresee, Document, Plan, Document, Act, Implement, Monitor, Control, Document and finally despatch the product. The 12 principles of risk in project management are - 1. organizational risk 2. Stakeholder involvement 3. Alignment with Organizational Objectives 4. Risk Analysis 5. Reporting Structure 6. Defining roles and responsibilities 7. Support from Top Management 8. Regular meetings to detect oncoming risks 9. Review 10. Overcoming barriers to risk 11. Culture that acts as enablers 12. Continual Improvement. Bottomline of this piece of gyan is you can do a lot to identify risks, and a whole lot more to reduce it....but you can never eliminate it. So risk is an integral part of our life. Risk and Comfort Zone are inversely proportional to each other. Cost benefit analysis would probably reveal the returns would be much more if you did take a risk, whilst that which you stand to gain from not taking a risk would bind you to your comfort zone forever with serious emotional implications such as regret, wonder, mind numbing escapism, etc. I thought it through. Coming out of my comfort zone is...highly essential. Albeit, once you do, the journey from the risks is to yet another comfort zone, but then, what the heck life is about progress right, and it is better to progress from one comfort zone to another, than to remain at the elementary level and never having the experience.



I did some looking up, and apparently Dr. Phil has something to say about Comfort Zone with a schematic..!! With Happiness on y-axis and Comfort Level on x-axis, I think while being on your comfort zone, Happiness peaks initially, but as you go along comfort zone happiness starts dropping exponentially until infinity. I'd say if I were to quote anyone right now, it would be from "Into The Wild" - Its not necessarily important in life just to be strong, but to feel strong.


In time, we learn, in time, we also learn to unlearn whatever we learnt. And in time, we learn to survive. Perhaps time will teach us how to live. And in this, I hope we are uncomfortable enough so we take a risk and capitalize on that opportunity, and just Live. We owe ourselves just that and nothing less.

***EvErYbOdY wAnTs ThE sAmE oLd ThInG***

We all want the same old things….we just find innovative ways to package our wants.

I’m sitting at the back of my dads first car (my two pig tails are wind blown) and Dad asks me, “What do you want, when you grow up? What do you want to be?” Rarely a 10 year old would be asked such a question. I rake my brains (I understand the gravity of this situation, “my small mind – the size of a pea” processes and is in overdrive, despite that I come up with the most “intelligent answer” I can think of) “Dad, I want to be someone who has one Ferrari parked in the driveway, driveway as long as the road that we are driving on and dogs everywhere, all kinds, and then house bigger than Windsor Manor (you have to hand it to my imagination!)”. I think my dad did slow down a little, I bet that wasn’t the answer he was expecting. Very literature rich answer. He says to me (trying very hard to keep the calm in his voice) “Beta…we should ask for things we can do and not for things that are unrealistic”. I thought, what was unrealistic, I will be super rich one day, and I can ofcourse buy all that…!! Dads, tosh…what do they know!”

I’m sitting next to dad, in the passengers’ seat, in his second car. My one pig tail is wind blown (AC was still a luxury, so windows are rolled down). “You should really start thinking about your career? What are you going to do? Spend your life listening to music?” Rarely is this question not asked to a 20 year old (During those days, my dad loved the grouch look) I switch to my defensive mode, and reply with as much attitude as I can muster, “Ofcourse I do!! What do you think I am? A good for nothing?? I have won a lot prizes, for you kind information. A lot of people like me. A lot of people think I’m capable of doing big thing. It’s a pity you don’t (any higher, I swear only the bats can hear me”).” He slows down (not bothering to conceal it or sound calm) “You are a 20 year old nothing, don’t raise your voice at me. At your age, I was this and that (I never pay attention to this part of dialogue)”. “I know what I’m doing. I know how much it takes to buy a car or a house (reality is beginning to settle in a bit). I know I have to work hard (yeah yeah) etc etc. (verbal diarrhea takes over, tears are also not that far behind)”.

6 years hence, I do have a career, A/C is a commodity, saving to buy my own car, dads not much of a grouch, bats and me don’t chat much, well I don’t have self questioning questions much, I don’t delve into my negative side much. But what I want hasn’t changed I tell people when they ask me “what’s your five year plan?” I tell them-VP at the least (yet another unrealistic one, VP in 5 years..!! PLEASE!!! I’m trying though, I work with that aim in mind, I do stop to smell the flowers though). But I know the perks that come with being a VP, then a president, then an O-zone officer. Cars, houses, Golf, Tennis, Power. I want the same old things. I just packaged them better. Added some value, and reduced the come backs. I mean, if you were to think about it, we all have our childish dreams, and no matter how old we get, we just find ways to (knowingly or unknowingly) stay true to or dreams. We never get too far from our Peter Pan days. I guess in one way, it’s true what they say about the child in us…never goes. And that’s not always a bad thing. I reckon not. Infact, childish dreams make us who we are today. 4, 40, 80….no difference really. We just travel through these ages…and never drift too far.

..........B*o*T*t*L*e*D T*h*O*u*G*h*T*s............

I worry sometimes..that probably maybe I dont understand myself. At other times I worry, that I understand myself all too well.

I'm sipping my elixir (diet coke) and I realize, that I want to treat the noise in my head with silence. Now, how good or bad is that? I was under the impression that expressing thoughts is a great way of clearing your head. I thought, if you are uncomfortable about something, tell someone. Whilst, if you are extremely comfortable about something, tell someone. If you think you are doing well at work, tell someone. If you think you are not, tell someone. If you are a victim of petty politics, tell someone. If you are victimizing people with petty politics, tell someone. If you are reading something you like, tell someone. If you like the features of a person you see, tell someone. If you see someone that makes you think of thunder and claps, tell someone. If you feel like laughing and want to hear a joke, tell someone. If you are angry enough to bring the house down, tell someone.

This "telling someone" is probably an overrated concept. Maybe just maybe, bottling your thoughts is a good idea. Who says you have to share everything and that sharing has conveyed the exact same feeling. Food for you, poison to someone else.

Another draught from the effervescent liquid, Im driven into another perspective. What if silence really is the treatment for noise. I can go back to many instances in the past few months, when talking and sharing was a pain. And all I wanted to do was...keep to myself. Forcing yourself to share when you dont want to..TOUGH! I can also go back to many instances when I wanted to share and probably it was hard to find someone who could relate to what I said. In the former case, Noise for me. In the latter, Noise for them. There's rarely ever a win win situation. I ought to then work around the constraints. Become my own best listener.

Learnings will never end. I learnt that many a times, a lot of thoughts belong in the head. I also learnt, that thoughts will be random. Once uttered, you dont write it down ( "Today I reported such and such happening, at so and so time..") I for one, never keep track of my thoughts, there would be a serious paper shortage. Diary is known to be of tremendous use. We all need diaries. For my grandmother, her diary is the entire world. For my dad, its my mom. For my mother, its her laptop. For my best friend, its her own mind. For my other best friends, its other friends. For my grandfather, it was his diary. For my aunt, its her painting canvases. For my mentor, it is his protege. For my maid, it is me. For Batman, his diary was the streets of Gotham (too dramatic, I reckon it was Alfred!) For me, well I'm moody. Its either the trees or its the rocks. Trees as in paper...rocks as in people. Im not consistent. I use one of the two mediums. And that for me is the problem in itself. To draw logical conclusions on my frame of mind from that, is not only difficult but also pointless. Those will always be punctuated thoughts. Trees listen. Rocks judge/understand/speak/advice, which is great. When you afford yourself a perspective from another, that perspective would be other than what you deduced, it is always well...another perspective. Learnings, will never end.

Yet at the end of the day, Im emphasising on the need to unbottle yourself by bottling some thoughts. Thoughts sometimes, become bigger than they really are, by voicing them. Before you know it, they become reference points. Some thoughts are great...utter them. Some thoughts are not worth a second thought. Such as it may be, watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Truth is - We assume sometimes, that it is our head that does the thinking. Not really. This great deed is performed by the erstwhile heart. The heart dictates the conclusion, then gives a directive to the head to provide a reasoning for it. The mutiny is actually started by the heart and the army comes from the mind.

In view of this, I take the following oath-

I vow to bottle my thoughts, for the sake of my sanity and others as well. I vow to take a pill of silence. I vow to accept the treatment in awareness of all my senses. I vow to cooperate at all costs. I vow to achieve a sense of balance as an outcome of this treatment. And I vow to stuff this bottle of pills under my pillow for safe keeping (should anyone try to steal it..!) I vow to not abuse the power of the pills and take it in adequacy and as prescribed by the good doctor.

ThE C*r*E*a*T*i*V*i*T*y RoAdbLoCkS

I always wondered how to make the work I do as interesting as possible. Sometimes, even if I'm doing the most mundane things, I find myself wondering - "Hmmm...how can I make this interesting? How about some color, or maybe font or maybe ...maybe I can read some more and put in a model or two...some interesting block diagrams, maybe a flow chart, or I know I know..have a sip of diet coke, itll help me think better, no nothing yet...and then I keep staring at the screen..hey how about if I play Rock On, maybe the energy from that song will flow into me brain and ignite the grey matter (most of the times it leads to incineration)....and then I decide to Alt+Tab and do something else...maybe Im pushing myself too much..I try diverting my mind, chat with someone and then I realize, the original intention behind chatting is lost...Im enjoying the conversation too much....RED ALERT RED ALERT....ship going off course...

I stare intently at the screen and then I remember the last time I had this problem- The "erstwhile" Creative Roadblock"....what did I do then? what triggered the roadblock..was it Indecision of thoughts bordering on pessimism, or edging on rules; preventing an out-of-the-box thinking, or thoughts of practicality, seriousness, indecisiveness, or too much logic pumping around, premature killing of ideas-saying naah...too boring/too simple/too extravagant/too elaborate/too old school. Was my Roadblock caused by Emotions (!!!!!????)..like emotions of anger, or even frustration caused by a world inundated with overwhelming people and thoughts.
Sipping my diet coke, and unnaturally I'm hit with an idea..what if there are internal and external reasons for creative roadblocks.

Was it The F word- Fear, fear of being criticized or ridiculed or fear of making mistakes and not being appreciated or fear breaking rules and being told after all the effort..sorry this is not what we wanted..we wanted something different, we wanted to see something different, but not this and Im screaming in my head - I spent so much time on trying to make this different and creative and worthwhile, is it really not that good..do I fear walking away hurt because I tried to be different.

Sipping my diet coke it also occurred to me that The L word has also had a profound road sign on the roadblocks. Lack of - confidence sometimes, or Inspiration or merely the lack energy (is known to happen to even people who drink diet coke/Protein Shakes, work out, dream of trekking in broad daylight and are nicknamed Rambo!!).

But you know Externally it occurred to me, while sipping my diet coke, there have been reasons too causing these Creative Roadblocks. The M Word, The D word, The C word, the Es, Ps, Ss of the world...good lord...do they ever end. Messy, Distractions, Clutter, Environment, People, Sensory...all Handle with Care situations.BLAH. All BLAH.

I have also managed to examine all plausible reasons for my roadblocks. But heres the thing..and straight from the bottom of my content heart caused by consumption of the bubbling sparkling dark colored liquid courage namely diet coke (I'm not addicted by the way)..creativity by itself is all of the above. You dont have to clear space to create in. You just need to be all of the above and creativity surges through. The struggles, the pain, the happiness in a depression (:P) all translate into something creative. John Keats says so. JK Rowling believes so.PG Wodehouse endorses so.Thomas L Friedman envisages so.Jeffrey Archer practices so.Christopher Paolini understands so.

When you know, why you want to create at all...The Creativity Roadblocks become The Creativity Enhancers. When the purpose is clear, when imaginations are clear, you will be what you imagine, and at last you will create what you are and what you will.

Lookie that.....I wrote.