The Sound of Something...

"Where does the good go?" is playing in the background. A song I have heard a lot over the last few days. As the lyrics roll on (~Where do you go with your broken heart in tow~), I allow my mind to wander. To thoughts like, I need to loose more weight. And I remember the struggle of last year (~What do you do with the left over you~). The flab that became layers of hindrances. The failing health that I had no hopes of taming (~And how do you know, when to let go~). I remember the taunts of the mind and taunting the mind back. It feels like a different timezone now. (~Where does the good go, where does the good go~). Frankly, it is a different timezone.

The song on my ipod changes to "Aahun Aahun" from Love Aaj Kal. This song always puts a beat in my step. I feel a surge of positivity in me each time (~Kaddi te has bol ve Na jind saddi rol ve~). So naturally it loops a lot in my ipod. (~Tu aaja dil janiyaa, Ve Kar Meherbaniyan~).In this positive mood, I think about the various moments in my life when I have felt like Happy Singh. And I think of times that Lopa, Reena and I have spent together. How zealously I guard those moments in my mind. Perhaps those are the moments when I discovered the absolute importance of having great people in your life (~Aa sanu teri rol ve, Na jind saddi rol ve~). Its a terrific feeling having a friend that would shed a tear for me. And its a safe feeling to know that I have a friend who knows every tiny detail of my life down to the guy who serves tea at work, and lends a patient ear to all my life's redundancies (~Aahun Aahun~). It is a feeling that puts a beat in my step.


By the time I'm done musing over the fun the three of us have, Ive noted the change in song. The speakers blare "Full Moon". (~When the thorn bush turns white that's when I'll come home~). I read excerpts from an article I picked out from Facebook- 1o Endangered Animals. The iconic animal's populations that are fast disappearing from the Planet. Tigers, Polar Bears, Pacific Walrus, Magellanic Penguin, Leatherback Turtle, Bluefin Tuna, Moutain Gorilla, Monarch Butterfly, Javan Rhino and Giant Panda. (~I am going out to see what I can sow, And I dont know where I'll go~). I'm trying to picture a world , where the ones that belong are forced to unbelong. Is there no more protection from human greed for the ones that know not our language, for the ones that cant scream "Stop.Enough.No More" (~But I dont know what I'll see, But I'll try not to bring it back home with me~). I'm fighting the wrong fight.

When Eddie Vedder sang "Hard Sun" for Into the Wild, I was a semi Alexander Supertramp already, ready to backpack across anywhere, just to feel free. Free. A wildly misused word. A word, synonymous with kids screaming at their parents, telling them to leave them alone; synonymous with adults silently pleading with their bosses to leave them early for family dinners; synonymous with trapped souls, so on and such and such. (~When I walk beside her, I am a better man~). But at a time when I most wanted to be free..it had a lot to do with freedom to be who I am. Free to think my thoughts, free to know and tell the difference between right and wrong and most of all, free to dream of my ideas. (~When I look to leave her, I always stagger back again~). Wanting to feel free is a fight half won. Victory is only one step away. The hardest step...convincing yourself that you deserve to be Free. (~Once I built an Ivory tower, so I could worship from above~). Am I free today. Not completely. But I am among people, who every single day tirelessly help me feel free. I am almost convinced. Almost. (~When I climbed to be set free, she took me in again~). Nobody said moulting was easy. But nobody said, being yourself is a crime. Now thats motivation (~It's a big Hard Sun, Beating down on People, In the big Hard World~).


The newspaper this morning talks about "elected representatives". Chosen by people like me. Voted into power. So my representatives talk about how separating a state would make people more confident about themselves. Lend them an identity that they can be proud of. My song for this-

The Heart is a Bloom;
Shoots up through the stony ground.
There's no room;
Or no space to rent in this town.

You're out of Luck;
And the reason you had to care.
The traffic is stuck;
And you're not moving anywhere.

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

Fairy tales and expectations are the same really. The Feel Good. The Santa Claus of my day. The Sleeping Beauty of my week. The Prince Charming. The drill. Ok...thrown in a White Horse too. Heck...Why not. The song is my fav. It talks about "Anything But Ordinary". (~Sometimes I get so weird. I even freak myself out. I laugh myself to sleep. Its my lullaby~). As we grow, cynicism sets in. Reality of fairy tales. Reality of what you think was..but isnt. The acceptance is hard. (~Sometimes I drive so fast, just to feel the danger, I wanna scream, it makes me feel alive~). We rely on things to make us feel better, excited. Friends, people, strangers, things. Anything will do. But the truth is..we never let go of the fairy tales entirely. We still hope, that one day, we open our eyes and we have that. (~Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die, Somebody save my life, I'd rather be anything but ordinary please~) Expectations keep us grounded. Its the unexpected that changes our lives. The choice is always between standing still and moving with it. Like it says, Anything But Ordinary, Please.

There's a song. Always. That helps us connect dots. Songs that bring us out of the depths. Songs that take us to a parallel universe. Songs that make us feel angry without breaking anything. Songs that tell us what love is. You hear so many kinds of voices in a song. The voice of someone in pain. Someone who is elated over something. Someone who wants to forgive. Someone who has decided to get on with it. Someone who has tasted victory and encouraging us to do the same. There is a song for every kind of healing. A song for all kinds of feelings. A song for You. Me. We. Us. Them. All.

I'm glad that there are songs. As long as there is song...there is Hope. As long as there is a Sound of Something..